February 2015 Audio Meditation

I haven’t posted a practice in conscious living for a few weeks now, as life has intervened with some challenges that have required my deep attention. As I’ve thought about this recent time, I want to share a practice I have engaged that may be useful to describe.

One of the sweet feline family members who live with me has required medical attention and I found myself faced with having to give him a subcutaneous infusion for hydration every day, to support what his kidneys can’t currently do efficiently right now. My relationship with needles has mostly been around experiences of blood draws, shots, and acupuncture, but I haven’t been the one managing the needles. So, I found myself dealing with some anxiety about having to use a needle each day to deliver the hydration to my dear feline.

Moving through this experience reminded me of the importance of grounded, steady presence and of being mindfully connected to this present moment. I decided to take on the daily process as a spiritual practice, bringing awareness, calm, and love to something that would allow my furry family member to survive. Along with focusing in my heart and connecting with my love of this sweet being, I have asked myself to track my internal state so that I am calm and centered during the infusions. Even as I give the infusions, I track my body and go back into calm if I find myself tensing or becoming anxious. Gently breathing in through my nose and out through my mouth helps to return to a more settled state and I sense how that state in me helps my furry friend to relax a bit more.

And so, for this week’s practice in conscious living, I invite you to notice whatever challenge may come into your life that requires you to dig a little deeper, perhaps into your capacities, your emotions, your ability to stay grounded in the presence of something that might be upsetting, etc. Then, notice what you experience when you choose to take on the challenge as a spiritual or psychological practice where you can develop some new or deepened skill or response that helps you move through the experience. 

Read More “912th Week: Responding to Challenges”

One of the things that most of us find challenging is to manage uncertainty. It’s a natural response to be uncomfortable with not knowing what’s going to happen next or where we are headed, individually and collectively. For some people, finding conspiracy theories offers an experience of “knowing what’s going on” that calms the discomfort most of us feel around uncertainly. For others, anxiety becomes a constant companion and they have difficulty truly soothing themselves. For yet others, becoming numb and shutting down is their natural response to constant and mounting uncertainty.

Also, I want to affirm that having a response to uncertainty is certainly normal and not necessarily something that needs the kind of process I’ll describe below, so please be gentle with yourself when circumstances elicit discomfort and anxiety about the future.

As I’ve been thinking about how we can expand our capacity to be uncomfortable and find some degree of equanimity, I found myself thinking about a concept I have taught for many years—a process of uncoupling trauma-based associations, called over-couplings in the Somatic Experiencing® world. Let me define these terms as I did when teaching SE.

Trauma over-couplings are associations that become “glued together” during times of overwhelm or distress. These are individual elements of experience or learnings that actually don’t belong together. One common trauma-based, attachment-oriented over-coupling is: If I do what I want, they (whoever “they” might be) won’t love me. Those two things don’t really belong together and especially so in adult life. Another common trauma-based over-coupling is: Unless I know what’s going on, I won’t be safe. The problem with trauma-based over-couplings is that they predict something that may not, or probably won’t, happen. They often arise from childhood experiences where we were not only ill equipped to have options available to us but when we also weren’t mature enough to understand what was happening. 

I’d like to offer one way to deal with these trauma-based over-couplings. I called it “therapeutic dissociation” in my book, Getting Through the Day, but it’s actually a form of uncoupling adult awareness and options from those arising from earlier overwhelming experience.

Read More “812th Week: Managing Uncertainty”